So, if I show up where you work, an hour and a half before you open for business, will you let me in? Will you haul something heavy from the back for me, even if you're not supposed to leave your work station at the front of the store or office? Will you stand still and smile as I cuss you out for not serving me?

I didn't think so.

Why is it, then, that customers expect me to do all that, and more?

Let's get a few things straight here, people. If the sign on the door says "Closed," the chances are damned good the store is closed. So what if the door is unlocked? The lights are on? Maybe the employees need to be able to go in and out as they do their morning work. Maybe (as in the case of our pet store) there are, oh, say, grooming customers who need to bring their filthy, reeking, pest-infested dogs in. If you can walk right past a big-ass orange sign saying "Closed" which clearly lists the store's hours of operation, I don't think you should be trusted to drive a vehicle, much less own a pet.

And who are you to ream me out because there's no money in the till, therefore I can't possibly sell you anything? Especially when I pointed out, as clearly as I possibly could despite your obvious lack of attention, that the store is closed? Buddy, if you need a bag of dog food that badly, maybe you should have bought it yesterday!

And about that bag of dog food, pal. You carried it from the back of the store, all by yourself. Why do you suddenly need me, a short, stubby woman, to carry it out to your truck? So you can have more breath to laugh at me? Because it gives you some freakish power rush to know that I have to do it if you "ask" me to?

By the way, my name is not "missy." It is not "girl," or "girly," or "hey, you." I have to wear this stupid name tag for your benefit, not mine. I know who I am.

I'll pause here for a few deep breaths. I do believe you are getting some notion of the trouble, gentle reader.

Courtesy in everyday life is a thing of the past. If you have the slightest hope that this statement is untrue, spend a day working in the retail sector. For every person who is at least marginally polite to a store employee, there are probably twenty who think nothing of walking all over someone else. The ratio might even be two hundred to one. There are certainly days when that seems true.

Why is that, I wonder? A power trip? Some tiny dark demon (not unlike a hamster) that whispers, "Hey, you realize we can treat this employee like trash, and they can't say a thing about it? All we have to do is bitch to the manager!" Perhaps they simply don't realize how they're behaving. Maybe they just don't care.

On good days, I sometimes try to make allowances for rude customers. A whining child, it's hot/cold/rainy outside, maybe they've got a brother who just broke his neck in a car wreck (oh, sorry, that's me), or maybe they just found out their S.O. is having an affair with a Doberman, and it's terribly painful for them to come into a pet store just now. Maybe their closest friend in the whole wide world was mobbed and eaten by rogue goldfish, and the prospect of a similar fate briefly overwhelms their good manners.

Then I find myself thinking, there is no excuse for the level of rudeness with which I must cope. Here are a few suggestions, not that you have the slightest intention of putting them to use:

• Please remember, I am a person too. Although I do my best, I might be having a bad day.
• Despite current myth, you are not always right.
• Control your children. This is a place of business, not a day care center or amusement park. It is not my responsibility to keep your children from sticking their fingers into cages. It is not my responsibility to keep your children from pounding on the glass tanks holding easily-frightened, already-nervous animals. It is not my responsibility to keep your children from feeding dog biscuits to the cockatiels, or the fish, or themselves. It is not my responsibility to keep your children, period.
• Have the courtesy to accept my answer when I tell you I can't help you with your particular problem. I am not a manager. I'll call for one, if you like, but chewing me out because I can't authorize a return, or because you want to haggle about a price, is really counterproductive, if you think about it.
• If an item is not on the shelf, why do you insist I find it "in the back?" If we had it, we'd surely put it out. We can't sell things "in the back."
• Please try to listen to the care tips for the animal you've decided to purchase. I'm not telling you about UVB light or how to avoid wet-tail for my own benefit. If you're in too big a hurry to listen for a few minutes, where will you find time to care for a pet?

I vaguely recall something I heard once, oh, must've been before that Y1K crisis, what was it again.... [sound of snapping fingers] Oh, yeah.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Sound familiar?

Comments? Got a beef of your own? Email me! This may not be a corner in Hyde Park, but maybe we can work something out.

You can wallow in some more ranting if you like. Tired of hearing me complain? There's the main index page. Or you could just slip back to my personal page, from which you can head a number of directions.

Last updated: 4 January 2001. Copyright 1999-2006.