We left Springfield, Missouri around 12:45pm on 28 March 1997, headed for Tulsa, Oklahoma. We left Clara's husband at home (he had to work). Our pal Cherie, who was dreadfully ill, stayed home as well. Weather: Sunny and windy. We wondered if Cherie (who is extremely slender) would have been able to hold her Jeep on the road....
Talk revolved around an impending event of great importance to Amy: The imminent hatching of the Slippettes. Unbeknownst to Amy, her creamsicle corn snake Slippy did the nasty with her young tank-mate Huey, and laid a passel o'eggs collectively called "The Slippettes." We discussed everything from care-n-feeding of Slippettes, to general snake stuff, and somehow, briefly and inexplicably, to horses.
Then we hit the Giant McDonald's Over The Road. Not literally, of course.
While we ate, we discovered that neither of us had ever driven under the Giant McDonald's. There could be instructions for surviving Armageddon under there, and we'd never know....
After the Giant McDonald's, we decided to plan our itinerary. We had several things to see in Tulsa in a very short time. Because we were on A Mission From Gahd. Picture the Blues Brothers, except we're women, we don't wear suits or porkpie hats or shades.... We'd gone to Tulsa in January, on quest for Starship Records. (Clara's note: I'll never go back there. I suppose the "gentleman" who slapped on some Andrew Dice Clay while we were browsing might have thought it would amuse us. As another short, fat woman once said, "We are not amused.") On that January trip, we'd spotted some cool stuff, and we wanted photos....
Hit Tulsa with a good hour of daylight left. Hollies in the cassette deck. Got a room in a motel (more on that later) then went hunting our first target: The Rose Bowl on 11th Street.
The second target we weren't even sure we could find again. It was on 41st Street, but.... Took awhile, then eureka! Guts Church!
We have no idea what it means either, so don't ask. We saw this on our first trip in January, and man, we laughed all the way back to Springfield. No offense to the Guts Church people--we were really tired, and it struck us funny.
Okay, so, after Guts Church we hit this big Barnes & Noble. Floor size, it was much bigger than ours in Springfield. Offerings? Well, the snake stuff and photography stuff was minimal. Maybe a little more movies and tv stuff, and the kids' section was huge! Then we headed over to Gardner's, an excellent used book and record store, to check their hours. Open 'til 8:00pm on Saturdays! Woohoo! Back to the motel to plan....
We stayed at the Garnett Inn, very decent double room, which in our price range says something.... We watched part of "The Jungle Book." (Clara's note: I had no idea they had bears, wolves, and mutant anacondas in the Indian jungle. And why, someone tell me, was Elwes' mouth so freakin' red?) Since we were the only people staying there who wanted to sleep, we channel-surfed on cable for a while, and happened upon a snake show on Discovery. Egg-eating snakes... gotta love 'em.
The plan for Saturday was: Saturday morning we'd get breakfast, then go to the Gilcrease by 9:00am. If you like art, or Native American artifacts, you have got to visit the Gilcrease Museum. We agreed we could spend an entire day in there. We've been there before, and we'll probably go again.
For once, things went as planned. We loitered in the Gilcrease for a few hours, then over to Gardner's, where we bought diverse objects like a vinyl of Tim Curry's "Fearless" album, and other curious things....
[For something more on the Gilcrease, click here. It's not amusing. Sorry.]
Some tiem ago, I got email from L. Bangs, who explain the Guts Church Thing thus:
"As to GUTS Church, I, er, I'm afraid its pretty much what it sounds like. The church attempts to reach young folks by appealing to the 'hipness' and 'coolness' of Christianity. At times, their outreach to young males takes the odd form of Christianity and professional wrestling's love child. I'm sure the folks are very sincere and earnest, but it is a unique and, well, just plain wierd creature, that church...."
So now we know. To quote Jimmy Buffett: "Religion's in the hands of some crazy-ass people."
L.'s description has apparently offended some members of the church, one of whom writes (but doesn't sign, btw):
"I go to Guts. Guts is named Guts because it takes guts to do God's will. It's basically a normal church but it throws out all the pointless, stale, boring, traditional stuff. Show up if you're ever in Tulsa again. Service times are on their web site:
"I doubt "L. Bangs" attends Guts. :\ Guts attempts to reach anyone, particularly those that don't fit in normal churches because they're not constipated, religious squares. And we don't appeal to the hipness and coolness of Christianity, we appeal to people with destructive lifestyles that need and want help. Of course, christianity is pretty cool.. But not really because of anything we do..
"Singing along with an organ that sounds like a square wave generator and a tone-deaf praise and worship leader doesn't encourage some people to show up for church (especially those who are not Christians). So instead, the "praise an worship" part of the service rocks. It's done quite professionally.
"I'm not sure what the "professional wrestling's love child" thing means. If he means "it's a fun church, not a boring church", then he's right. We are sincere and earnest, as he mentioned. And we're also focused. It pays off.
"People get saved and healed at guts. Guts does a better job at getting people saved than most other churches, actually."
Well, sorry, mystery person, I'll have to decline your invitation. I have a long-standing mental condition, related to having functioning brain cells that noticed a vast gap between what Christ's message was, and how churches choose to follow -- and often force-feed others -- that message. This mental condition, known to churchgoers as "complete insanity" and to other thinking people as "reason," causes me to have fits of rhetoric when confronted with the cause of my disorder. I'm glad you are "sincere and earnest," and I'm glad if your approach helps people cope with their problems. Organized religion has been a big cause of my problems, and is in no way capable of solving them.
Email me at fruitshirt@juno.com.
You know, if you went to Tulsa in real life, you'd be one among hundreds of thousands of visitors each year. But here, on this page, you're one of . Now, don't you feel a bit more special?
This page last updated 24 August 2003. Copyright 1997-2006.