Sleeping with the Fishes

Sleeping with the fishes

There's a new power on earth.

She's the new Fish Queen.

The Fish Queen has decreed that Paul, henceforth to be known as the Fish Lackey, cannot leave the Fish Department. He's not supposed to work the floor of the store, he's not supposed to get crickets or talk to anyone about reptiles, or run the register. God forbid he should help me in the morning with cleaning and feeding.... He must focus all his attention and all his energy on....

Fish.

The be-all and end-all of life, apparently, for the Fish Queen.

Which seems to me, all things considered, a pretty crappy and stupid life, chica. Maybe you should get a new life....

The Fish Lackey is supposed to keep the tanks sparkling clean and clear. Let's forget the fact that real water, in the real world, is anything but sparkling clean and clear. Hell, it's probably bad for the fish, living in ultra-sanitized conditions. He's supposed to deal with excessive numbers of fish in each tank in the system -- excessive numbers that occur not because the fish are breeding, but because Her Imperial Chum-head insists he order excessive numbers of fish. The Fish Lackey is supposed to sell, sell, sell the fucking hell out of those excessive numbers of fish, because, in the eyes of the Fish Queen, the Fish Department is the only important thing in the store. If she had her way, the Fish Lackey would be sleeping with the goddamn fish....

And I know if I had my way, so would she.

I don't work in a fish store. I work in a pet store. If the office wants to own a fish store, fine. Let's get rid of all those other pets, hang on one second while I try to count them.... Bear in mind, this count includes all arthropods, reptiles, amphibians, rodents and other small mammals and marsupials, small birds, larger birds, really large birds, weasels (okay, right, sure, semantics, they're ferrets), rabbits, guinea pigs, and chinchillas....

Around 337 animals. Give or take. I mean, really, who the hell has time to count anoles? Okay, fine, I have to count anoles. Because part of my job is taking care of those 337 animals (give or take). Along with pricing endless carts of stock, answering the fucking phone a million times a day, running the register, and selling off those 337 animals and some of the things they need to survive.

Before the Fish Queen managed to get her scaly, wet, slime-slick hands on our company, I had help doing those things. Now, thank you so fucking much, bitch, I don't. Most days, there's not really enough to do in Fish to keep Paul busy. But, thank you oh so fucking much, bitch, he isn't allowed to help me do any of the work I've still got to do, whether I have time to do it, or not.

Who is the Fish Queen? How did she get such power? I have no idea who she's sleeping with, but I long for the day she's sleeping with the fishes....

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